I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at about main and main street
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
