Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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