there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
