Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
