DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize