I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
