Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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