You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
