I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
