i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
