The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
