Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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