I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
