Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
