If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
