now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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