i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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