After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
