I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
