Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
