bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize