you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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