playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
