I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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