Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
