well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
