I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
