Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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