come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
