A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
