Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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