just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
