I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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