As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
