Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
