she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
