just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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