So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
