She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
