the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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