New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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