i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
