Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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