Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was born a porn star she said
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
