I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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