Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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