You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
