New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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