Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
