help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
