We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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