sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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