How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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