..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
