grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
