He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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