Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
