Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Randomize