im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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