I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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