You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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