Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
