i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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