instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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