Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
