I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
