The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
